paradoxical.

October 10, 2019

king of spades

spades: something personal
king: meaning, magic, love
2 on the die: this writing is public

[a plea, to become a prayer for those seeking a balm to agony.]

i sit amongst the trees and listen to them whisper their words to me.

the air is cold, and it smells of rain. the new gods walk this world, but here i am hidden from them. here, it is cold.

the sparks don’t catch flame any longer. i wish they would.

i sit under a tree with red falling leaves and watch the world end. i wonder why i have to watch it alone. it’s peaceful and lonely. i don’t know if i would take the loneliness for the peace, or if i would rather there be a community here to keep me warm.

the sky is shattered into oranges and reds and colors i cannot even see. i don’t know why anyone is bothering to protect this place anymore. i don’t understand why anyone would want to destroy it. isn’t it enough overrun as it is? isn’t this enough?

none of this matters any longer, not without the sun in the sky and the warmth of our fires. not with these chains binding us to a ravaged world. i beg whoever may be listening now to spare us this suffering. you cannot break our chains— i don’t think anyone alive could, now— but at least let us rest.

October 3, 2019

two of clubs

clubs: writing from someone close to me
two: family
3 on the die: this writing is public.

September 26, 2019

six of hearts

hearts: writing between myself and my lover
six: separation, longing
4 on the die: this is somewhat safe (speaking in coded phrases, touching lightly)

[following is a letter penned by sable, the unfavored, to the entity known familiarly as aphiel. letter penned unknown date, never sent.]

September 25, 2019

alone, i write private cathedrals: a masterpost

the introduction post | the complete tag

Hearts:
six of hearts (a letter) | jack of hearts (candles burning)

Clubs:
two of clubs (notes on a noticeboard) | jack of clubs (an excerpt from a letter)

Spades:
nine of spades (a nightmare) | king of spades (a prayer)

Diamonds:
four of diamonds (a letter) | five of diamonds (words, across the sea)

supplementals

link to the game (together we write private cathedrals by ben roswell)

sable’s first follow the leader appearances (arc four part one | arc four part two)
the prequel livestream (available for free on the ftl patreon)

September 25, 2019

alone, i write private cathedrals: an introduction

i have been thinking about how to make my writing for my podcast more explicitly queer, since although all of my characters on the show are queer and those who are in relationships are in queer relationships, i haven’t been working hard enough to forefront queerness in any meaningful way. it’s not exactly that i feel like i need to in order to make their identities valid; we do, after all, have homophobia and transphobia as lines on the show, so pushback never becomes an issue. rather that i want it to be centered, sometimes, to be clear that this is an important part of my characters and it shouldn’t be ignored or forgotten.

those of our listeners who know me know that i hold a deep affection in my heart for sable the unfavored, an older wanderer who hasn’t had a home in 200 years, the last living acolyte of a forgotten god who knew them living, and the secret love of that same god. (these aren’t spoilers, this all comes up in their very first appearance on the podcast, in arc 4.) i have been wanting to center their centuries of wandering in a story somehow and i think i have finally, finally figured out how to do so. and, as is tradition with the podcast, it involves playing a game.